Six Hours

Is this what it is like to feel empty? To have no motivation for anything? To live without really living? Is this how my life will be without you? It has only been a couple of hours since we last exchanged words. I miss you so. I ended our conversation with an "I love you," but you ceased to respond. Do you not love me back? Does my love not matter? I am no longer alive. I sit here within this four walls and feel suffocated by loneliness. My phone no longer rings because of you. My lips do no curve into a smile any more. My room is empty, and yet it feels so full. Full of my tears and me begging you to come back to me. "Maybe we need a break," you said. I thought it was the best thing for us. Now...I do not feel the same way. I am tortured by my doubt and my lack of trust. Does this even bother you? Are you going out with your friends? Do you check your phone to see if I have caved in? Do you? I know this is bothering me. My friends are nowhere in sight, for I have pushed them away. And my phone, well, my phone remains by my side. By my side as a constant reminder that we are not talking. I refuse to message you. Why? I had insisted so much on this so-called "break" because I felt like you needed it. Now I sit here dreading it. Do you dread it as much as I do? Have you cried as much as I have? Or have you simply gone about your day, forgetting about me? I miss you. I miss you more now than the time I needed you the most. I sit here tormenting myself with questions I simply do not have the answers to. I sit here and cry. I cry and cry until my eyes run out of tears. I curse myself time and time again for acting so cold towards you. You who pushed me aside. You who ignored me. You who seemed oblivious to my troubles. You who used to love me like no one had ever done. Do you still love me? I ask as though I will receive an answer. I look back at our photos, our conversations, our jokes, our love. Where did all that love go? Can we ever get it back? I sit here, and I ask questions to the emptiness filling the room. I get no response. I take a deep breath and hold back my tears. They sting. I compose myself as much as I can. I sit here and type, avoiding you yet hoping to hear from you. I want to matter again. I want you to care again. I want you to be here with me. I just want you. I look at the clock. It has been six hours since we last spoke. Six hours. How can I continue like this? This is no life to live. This is a nightmare I want to shake. Come back to me. I miss you.